Coping. What a word. What an idea! We hear it tossed around in conversation like dried autumn leaves on the wind-a word and idea that has no personality, no color. Just a derogatory comment thrown over the shoulder as yet another person clearly isn’t “Coping well”.
So, what does “not coping well” look like? That phrase has many scenarios attached. It might be someone that gets SUPER STRESSED ALL THE TIME. It might be somebody that has major mood swings every time something little goes wrong. It could look like the person that flips on a dime and snaps at everyone around them. Or, it could be repetitious panic attacks, sometimes for no apparent reason.
I would suggest that most people struggle to “cope” at one point or another. All of us have experienced in some way the effects of lacking coping skills. Usually not coping is centered on real or perceived stressful events or things. What does stress have to do with coping? I would suggest that stress has a LOT to do with coping. How we PROCESS stress affects our ability to make clear decisions. It affects our ability to see the value of speaking kindly as greater than our need to address whatever problem is “stressing us out”. It can affect how we view finances, relationships, even our driving habits. When we are stressed we attach a value to everything around us. As stress clogs our decision making, we then attach a higher value to things that are centered on US, not necessarily things that are truly of higher value.
An example of this idea of value would be as follows. You get word that your spouse forgot to pack their work laptop and they have a big presentation due in an hour. It takes you 35 minutes to get there and you are getting stopped at EVERY red light. You also have another time commitment yourself: a doctor’s visit in an hour that you have been waiting to attend for several months. You start feeling panicked that you won’t make the visit on time. You start thinking about how your spouse NEVER plans ahead and ALWAYS makes you late (Not actually true). Then you start thinking about all the examples that makes that statement ‘true’ and you start thinking about the doctor office’s late policy. You remember you still have to go grocery shopping for supper and you have company coming. These thoughts start spiraling out of control. Suddenly, your sense of value to driving respectfully and safely has plummeted. You perceive driving respectfully and safely to be less valuable than meeting your needs. So you honk your horn, take that corner too quickly, yell at other drivers, and run the red light. THAT is not coping. And it’s brought on by stress.
So what does this have to do with mental illness? It has EVERYTHING to do with mental illness. Most people do not have good coping skills-or what we are going to call Stress Management Techniques. Most people with mental illness ALSO do not have good Stress Management Techniques. I want to share the things that work for me.
Before I was first diagnosed I had crippling anxiety. I attend worship services weekly and the congregation I was a part of at the time had upwards of 200 people in the auditorium. I would get so panicked I thought I would throw up and then pass out. My heart would race, my palms would start getting wet and clammy, my muscles were tensed, and my eyes were looking for the quickest exit from the pew and the auditorium. I was simply put, looking for a place to escape and hide. That is one of the worst feelings-you feel scared, helpless, your heart feels like it’s going to burst, and your breathing becomes labored and sharp. I didn’t let myself leave. I made myself start doing things that minimize the amount of stress I feel in a room full of people.
Years later, I still do not like being in a room with lots of people. Any more than a couple extra people and I start feeling trapped. Part of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, as I understand it, is have inexplicable anxiety or worry over things like finances, relationships, crowds, etc. I take medicine for this. But I am telling you that when I am stressed out over other things, my “inexplicable anxiety or worry” multiplies tenfold. So, the answer to me is very simple: I need to learn to control my stress!
There are many ways to manage stress-I do not think that choosing one single method is a good solution for me. I utilize several. Exercise/Running, reading, video games, thankfulness, talking, praying, Bible study, mindfulness exercises/meditation, increasing/decreasing social commitments temporarily, controlling diet are all things that I and others find helpful in managing stress. I utilize all of those on a fairly regular basis. Mindfulness is one of the biggest ones that I use as my fall back in extrememly stressful situations. I had my gallbladder removed last year and I do not come out of anesthesia well. I remember having a panic attack and being very confused and sobbing and desperately trying to go to my mindfulness place to get control – WHILE COMING OUT OF ANESTHESIA. It’s that big of a deal for me. It’s part of my ‘autopilot’. Mindfulness is my biggest point of control when trying to stop an anxiety attack.
Mindfulness for me is very simple. I visualize a place that my family used to go hiking. I only visualize one area of the trail. I envision how cold the air is-what it feels like on my skin and in my lungs. I focus on the differing temperatures of my body and face. I focus on walking forcefully uphill towards an open area in the trees-freedom symbolically. I can see and hear the crunch of evergreen needles on the path contrasting with the squeak of the dirt beneath my boots. And I control my breathing forcefully as if I were actually hiking up that trail. As I walk purposefully out of the trees toward the mountain overlook, I feel the free air whipping around my body and face and slashing my hair across my eyes. It is freedom. That is when my breathing is finally controlled. I can slow down the sense of panic. I will envision that repeatedly until the panic passes or subsides sufficiently to be able to function.
I have a Pinterest board that has articles that explain it in more detail and that I found helpful. The link is below.
https://www.pinterest.com/sc113/mindfulness/
Philippians 4:8 says the following: Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that when we start focusing on the above qualities, being thankful, and decide to take control of our thoughts that we start to reap huge rewards. You can’t always “shake it off” when you deal with anxiety, but you CAN control the degree to which you suffer. I have seen HUGE benefit in my life from having a spiritual outlook and by focusing the above qualities. Choosing to see the good in a situation-even if that good is an opportunity to stay in control of my thoughts over turning into the crazy driver I mentioned earlier-ALWAYS reaps rewards. I truly believe that we need to be more compassionate towards people that struggle to cope. Part of that compassion is helping make a difference in the plight we see someone suffering through. If you have found stress management techniques that work, share them!